My crazy life

omg...headache....decisions decisions!

Sat, 11 Jun 2005 02:42:58 GMT

ok so today i went to work nothing major...but yesturday and the day b4....god!!i mentioned to my mom i wanted to go bak to south, i gave her my reasons why and what i'm willing to do to go back, and ...yea...cried my eyes out almost throughout the whole thing....what i got was a very "i'll try to trust you, just show me i can" i'll think about it. then yeasturday i spoke to my sister about school stuff and she came out with this new plan she had been thinking about for me. it actually sounds very accomplishing, but i dont know. the plan of hers is to drop out of high school...get my GED and get a higher paying job at an office or something along those lines...BY JANUARY!!!!well theres more.....then after i get the job i'd pay for modeling school in which time i would also attend online college. so i would have my bachelor's degree by the time im 10. but i really have to think about what i want to do...i mean those are really future deciding decisions, but how am i supposed to make the right one when i dont know what i want right now. i mean i like high school, and i want to go through all the high school expiriences, but maybe...just maybe its not the right thing for me. i dont know, i mean i have to have all of this figured out in about a month i dont know...god i miss when the biggest decision i had to make was whether i wanted to eat spagettis or a burger....you are free to advice...i REALLY REALLY need it!!!!!

oh, and to tops things of, my grandma was taken to thwe hospital wednesday night and i hadto spend all thursday at the hospital...wat a couple of days!

another day

Wed, 08 Jun 2005 00:54:35 GMT

so today was ok. i wentr to work, the days went by totally fast. i redecorated the maniquines and cleaned up a bit. in the middle of all of this i asked these two ladies i know and kinda sorta trust for some advice about something i want to convince my mother of. they both said somewhat the same thing, which baisically was to go and try to convice my sister first. thats gonna be sooooOoOoO much work!but my sister is the only one that can help me convince my mom so i have to. for this that i want to ask my mom i am willing to do anything and everything. i know thats a bit over the top, but i am, cuz i think i will work towards me being satisfied with my life which i havent been. i hate being numb to everything that goes on in my life and everything i do, i want to change that, so slowly im taking steps to do so. GOD!ITS GONNA BE SO ARD TO CONVINCE MY MOTHER!

Sat, 04 Jun 2005 03:13:50 GMT

so 2 days of summer, and so far its been boring. yesturday alex came over like at 11:00 am till like 3:00. we watched a movie(star wars three) and stuff, it was ok. then today i woke up late and just stayed in bed for a while. later my sister came to pick me up. i went with my grandma to buy milk, and then took a shower at my sister's house. it was ok till i like fainted in the bathroom, bu ti think it was the heat so i'm not going to worry about it. alot has been goign on with everhything but i'm not going to spill my life here for everyone to read. although gables was ok and my grades did go up, i miss south miami....and chances are that i'm goign back next year. i dont know though. i mean i really miss the place. i miss my journalism teacher and a few of teh people i used to know there. i really want to go back. i dont know. well that is really the least of what i have to worry about so, yea. well the school year is over. it was a very complicated year in which i had alot of things going on. im glad i got through it, and i only hope to get though anything else i have on my way. i hope summer goes better considering the community hours i will be doing and that i'm goign to start working a couple more days. it looks like a good summer ahead...at least i hope it will be after such a difficult year.

grrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Thu, 19 May 2005 02:14:15 GMT

its like you're a drug. a vampire sucking the life out of me. i hate everythign you say, every promise you make, everytime you say i love you. taking advantage of everything i feel and everything ive done for you. i hate you, i hate what you do to me, i hate that i let you! why ?why?why?why do i keep accepting your apologies?why do i keep taking every word you say for truth? why do i believe it when you say that im the only one you love? are you just trying to keep my intrest?are you trying to break what's left of me? i cant breath, i cant see, why do you insist on doing this to me? why do you keep telling me things you dont know will come true? why do you keep lying to me? why do i keep believing when you tell me you'll leave her? i cant understand. am i that in ove with you? am i that in love with your words. i wish you could for once do the right thing. i wish you could for once prove what you say everyday; that you love me. words are words until proven!so f you love me like you keep repeating.......prove it.......please.

sorry that was just a breakdown moment.....of caorse about ......alex.

awesome night!!!!!

Sat, 23 Apr 2005 05:12:49 GMT

tonigh was the best......i had such great time...i hung out mostly with karen katya and amaris and bruno ...omfg it was great...we had what looked like an orgy on top of the gameworks motorcycles...it was so awesome!!!!!oh and i was the center of attentiong at johnny rockets....it totally rocked...and to think it started out so frustrating....

i think that describes it!

cant wait!!!

Thu, 21 Apr 2005 21:01:53 GMT

everything is pretty good...except i had to walk home today....long walk....tiring.......well yesturday me and katya seranated sappy love songs to eachother......it was fun and really hilarious.....well im just really excited about tomorrow.....going to sunset with a whole mess of people and watching "a lot like love" with ashton kutcher...need i say more. well its gonna be fun!!!cant wait...too bad its gonna be like after seven cuz i have to work during the day but oh well its still gonna be awesome.
nothing more to write right now so later.

cant wait

Thu, 21 Apr 2005 20:56:53 GMT

booohoooo!!!

Sun, 17 Apr 2005 02:59:09 GMT

so ...yea im sad today...yesturday was a good day...i was smilling the entire time cuz of something.....well them this morning alex called me...@ 7 something in the morning.....not just pissed that i lost some sleep but also that he must always call the few times im not thinking about him....arg!! well watever.....i kinda have a lil tiny crush on someone...heeheee....well im tired ...... g2g so leaving a couple of cute pics.....who needs boys anyway!!!
b4 i go there s really cute quote that i know i'm being a complete hypocrate for posting but oh well:
"love is when you dont want to go to sleep because reality is so much better"
awww tear*

Tue, 05 Apr 2005 00:27:02 GMT

hey, well cuz of the alex stuff i had a horrible week, and i looked it, too. how could someone be like that? but watever. this week im only thinking about him every now and then, not like b-4 which was when he called me and lied about everything, that i thought about him almost all the time. im noticing i have more friends than i thought i had at gables, and im surrounding myself with them, so everythings feeling much better. i still feel like guys are scum, but hey...thats normal. im just glad that lannette(the other girl) is smarter and more strong willed than i was. my weekend was great:
on saturday- katya's birthday was great. i saw alex(not the lying cheating bastard) and pablo, wiliams older rother (he was nice). i generally had great time.
the guys at teh food thingys were soooooo hot!!!
sunday-i went to this little kid i toudor's birthday at the fair. he's like 6 i think. well some of my co-workers went. it was great. it was just a really cuban party, with loud as fuck music and very "intresting" dancing.
then today was good also...
oh......i forgot to mention.....this cute guy imed the other day...he was gorgeous....and sweet....and well im probably never gonna talk to him again...but hey it cheered me up when i was down!lol!
well gotta run...homework and stuff.....later

~muaz!~

HEARTBROKEN!

Thu, 31 Mar 2005 22:25:23 GMT

you know those guys you hear about and see in movies. the ones who lie, who cheat, who are violent, who do the worst things you can imagine and get away with it. well thats the type of guy i dated for the past year. those of you who know me, know who im speaking of. this guy had been two timing me with this other really nice girl there, who also had no clue and believed him. turns out that he was doing everything he did with me with her, and to make manners worst he told us the same things to and about each other. he treated us badly at one minute and great the next. this guy is good at what he does. even with everything he has done part of me continues to try to make up excuses to forgive him. i still love him so much and i hate it. i even informed his mom of the "unhealthy habits" he has picked up to get her to get him help. although im sure he got out of it as he always does. i think he can be so smart that i really wish for him to stop all this pain he's causing others and himself. im not getting back with him because of everything he's done. for once im going to be strong, i wont let him hurt me again. i feel soo betrayed, and really yesturday i just wanted him to rot in hell, but the truth of the matter is that i feel bad for the way he is, and i will feel like this for a while, but i understand how i must be and think. i hope he overcomes all the pain he's causing, and all the harm he is doing himself, cuz if he doesnt im afraid no matter how much people he surrounds himself with, he will always feel alone and myserable. i am heart broken, i am angry, and i have cried to the point that it wont stop. i wish no of this was real. i wish everything was just a bad nightmare i will just wake up from, but its not, and in reality i feel like smashing his head, breaking something, or cutting something off.i feel like im lost and confused, i am in disbelief and like i've just been placed in a situation i cant overcome, but still i wish for him to get better and make changes to himself for himself.
TO ALEX, THE guy THAT WAS COMPLETELY WRONG FOR ME and everyone else in
*there's nothing worse than knowing he meant everything to you, and you meant nothing to him*tear*
p.s.
i know this might seem immature somewhat but oh well its how i chose to deal with it, really this isnt dissing him, its just something saying that unfortunatley i still love him but i wish for him to get better and grow up.

Thu, 24 Mar 2005 03:34:21 GMT

Hey guys, Just wanted to notify everyone that Ailyn's journal is now "FRIENDS ONLY" And can only be viewed by 'friends' so, if you want to be added to her livejournal friends, please comment on this entry and I or Ailyn will be more than happy to add you. Thanks.
<3 Katya (co-management)

first entry

Thu, 13 Jan 2005 21:39:43 GMT

lilcubanchick88 was here people. this isn't my LJ this is Ailyn's. if you wanna be added please comment and with Ailyn's help we'll have her LJ back up in no time. Thank you for your patience.

-Management (a.k.a Jessie)